the second secret

this second secret will really surprise you. because in a way, i can't believe it myself.

i'm in a relationship.

and yes, it's called a boyfriend.(hehe) i haven't really told a lot of people yet, just those who are in close proximity to me who could hear and see the it. the truth is, it's hard for me to admit to anyone that i have one because, even to myself, i find it harder. it's a long distance relationship. why i even agreed to this, i can't answer. i can't because i don't know why. i made a big mistake AGAIN. i didn't think. not only am i hurting myself for investing emotions, i'm also hurting him for blaming him that it's his fault i can't see him that often. i know that i'm being selfish. but he has his faults too.

and now, i just don't feel like talking about it anymore. i don't want to be angry at someone. and i especially don't want to feel sad. i don't want to feel so weak and vulnerable.

...and that was my second secret. one of my biggest so far.